told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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