Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
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There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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