Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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