he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
