I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
