I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
