i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
