She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
