if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
