you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
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The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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