I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
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Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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