sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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