So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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