I'm eating all of the evidence.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
