You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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