Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.