we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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