Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
