How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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