He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
