I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
