You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
