just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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