We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
