We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
