giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
