I think im going to throw up on grandma
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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