I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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