Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
