My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
