Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
