Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need to calm my uterus...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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