I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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