At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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