I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
