we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
