I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he shaved USA in his pubs
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
