It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
