I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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