i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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