we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
where are my eyebrows?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize