$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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