omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
