Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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