Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you still have your period?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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