Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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