And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
