I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The Olympian is in my bed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
