I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
