i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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