the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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