i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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