I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
