He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
the raccoons are back...
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