Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
