bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.