i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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