mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.