there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.