Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
