I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
