When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
