i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
