So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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