u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
